Computer Guy (animated) W I L D  B I L L Comma S  P L A C E
@ Hostek "If you don't know where you're going, any bus will do"
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1904
25 Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90's
30 Politically Correct Ways To Discuss Someone's Mental Shortcomings
30 Years Difference
Alcohol Warnings
All About Dogs
Automated Call Directing
Basic Truths
Black Testicles
Carlinisms
Celebrity One-Liners
CEO
Did You Know?
Do You Remember?
First Day On The Job
Food Facts
Fun Reflections On Life
Hell Freezes
Hollywood Squares
Investing Key Words
IT Support
Job Interview
Language Quirks
Lent
Life Is Like A Dog
Little Known Facts
Maintaining a Healthy Level of Insanity
Management Lesson
Musings
My Bottle Rocket
New Dictionary Words
New Words for the Next Century
Newspaper Headlines
Oath Of Enlistment
O'Malley
Other Rules Of Life
Pet Diaries
Poor Grandpa
Potty Training
Purina Diet
Quick Thinker
Sayings That Should Be On Buttons
Senior Moments
Serenity
Sex in the Shower
Shake It Off
Shopping
Signs
Small World
Smarter Than Most
Sums
Survivor Show - Texas Style
Ten Cents A Drink
Thank You Letter
The Cat Years
The Christmas Dolly
The Lawyer and The Farmer
The Old Poodle
The Old Rancher
The Value of a Good Drink
The Watch
Things I've Learned From My Children
Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"
Things You Didn't Know
Thoughts For The Day
Useless Information
Watch What You Eat
We Made It!
What Really Happened To The Kursk
Why We REALLY Gain Weight
Words To Live By
Wrong Email Address
You Know You Work For The Government When…
You Know You're In California When…
One Liners
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--- Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself."
--- Mark Twain
"The problem with the designated driver program, is that it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--- Jeff Foxworthy
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--- Robin Williams
"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else."
--- Lily Tomlin
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--- Paula Poundstone
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--- Roseanne
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
--- George Carlin
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "huh."
--- Conan O'Brien
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God . . . I could be eating a slow learner."
--- Lynda Montgomery
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
--- Warren Hutcherson
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--- Lewis Grizzard
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--- Dave Barry
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
--- Marilyn Pittman
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--- Bob Ettinger
"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
--- Roseanne
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--- Richard Jeni
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--- Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--- Paul Rodriguez
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."
--- Jerry Seinfeld
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
--- Mae West
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
--- A. Whitney Brown
"Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet,"
--- Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place,"
--- Billy Crystal
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--- Dave Barry
"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'"
--- Elayne Boosler