| YOU KNOW YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT IF...
- When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
- You get really excited about a 3% pay raise.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.
- Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
- It no longer amazes you that computer security is more important than having computers.
- Your office computer was just upgraded to a 200 MHz Pentium this year.
- Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.
- Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.
- You and your coequals always consume the free food left over from VIP meetings.
- It's dark when you drive to and from work.
- You're forced to park your car a mile from the office because of all the commander's, military, customers, designated contractor, VIP's, employees of the month/quarter/year and visitor, parking spaces by the main entrance.
- Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
- "One 'Oh shit' wipes out years of Atta Boys" are words to live by.
- You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.
- Appearance is more important than substance.
- Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
- There is never enough time to do your job, but always enough time to prepare a briefing on it.
- Art involves a white board and dry markers.
- The report you were just assigned was late when you received it and you are required to justify why.
- Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend travel is a perk.
- Although you have a telephone, pager, e-mail, FAX, company distribution, Fed-X, US mail and co-equals sitting right on the other side of the partition... communication is a continuing problem.
- You know and everyone that works with you knows your performance is superior, but "satisfactory" is the highest level on the documented performance rating.
- You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
- Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
- When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be someone else's problem; when management screws up they are promoted.
- Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up" and "I have an opportunity for you."
- Training is something spoken about but never seen.
- Vacation is something you roll over to next year.
- No travel money to do the mission, but always enough money for another useless conference.
- Change is the norm.
- Organizational direction changes every 2 or 3 years.
- The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of a complaint.
- You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
- You can name more Government employees that used to work with you than the ones you work directly with in your current position.
|