Computer Guy (animated) W I L D  B I L L Comma S  P L A C E
@ Hostek "If you don't know where you're going, any bus will do"
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25 Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90's
30 Politically Correct Ways To Discuss Someone's Mental Shortcomings
30 Years Difference
Alcohol Warnings
All About Dogs
Automated Call Directing
Basic Truths
Black Testicles
Celebrity One-Liners
Did You Know?
Do You Remember?
First Day On The Job
Food Facts
Fun Reflections On Life
Hell Freezes
Hollywood Squares
Investing Key Words
IT Support
Job Interview
Language Quirks
Life Is Like A Dog
Little Known Facts
Maintaining a Healthy Level of Insanity
Management Lesson
My Bottle Rocket
New Dictionary Words
New Words for the Next Century
Newspaper Headlines
Oath Of Enlistment
Other Rules Of Life
Pet Diaries
Poor Grandpa
Potty Training
Purina Diet
Quick Thinker
Sayings That Should Be On Buttons
Senior Moments
Sex in the Shower
Shake It Off
Small World
Smarter Than Most
Survivor Show - Texas Style
Ten Cents A Drink
Thank You Letter
The Cat Years
The Christmas Dolly
The Lawyer and The Farmer
The Old Poodle
The Old Rancher
The Value of a Good Drink
The Watch
Things I've Learned From My Children
Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"
Things You Didn't Know
Thoughts For The Day
Useless Information
Watch What You Eat
We Made It!
What Really Happened To The Kursk
Why We REALLY Gain Weight
Words To Live By
Wrong Email Address
You Know You Work For The Government When…
You Know You're In California When…
  1. When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
  2. You get really excited about a 3% pay raise.
  3. Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.
  4. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
  5. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
  6. It no longer amazes you that computer security is more important than having computers.
  7. Your office computer was just upgraded to a 200 MHz Pentium this year.
  8. Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.
  9. Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.
  10. You and your coequals always consume the free food left over from VIP meetings.
  11. It's dark when you drive to and from work.
  12. You're forced to park your car a mile from the office because of all the commander's, military, customers, designated contractor, VIP's, employees of the month/quarter/year and visitor, parking spaces by the main entrance.
  13. Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
  14. "One 'Oh shit' wipes out years of Atta Boys" are words to live by.
  15. You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.
  16. Appearance is more important than substance.
  17. Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
  18. There is never enough time to do your job, but always enough time to prepare a briefing on it.
  19. Art involves a white board and dry markers.
  20. The report you were just assigned was late when you received it and you are required to justify why.
  21. Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend travel is a perk.
  22. Although you have a telephone, pager, e-mail, FAX, company distribution, Fed-X, US mail and co-equals sitting right on the other side of the partition... communication is a continuing problem.
  23. You know and everyone that works with you knows your performance is superior, but "satisfactory" is the highest level on the documented performance rating.
  24. You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
  25. Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
  26. When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be someone else's problem; when management screws up they are promoted.
  27. Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up" and "I have an opportunity for you."
  28. Training is something spoken about but never seen.
  29. Vacation is something you roll over to next year.
  30. No travel money to do the mission, but always enough money for another useless conference.
  31. Change is the norm.
  32. Organizational direction changes every 2 or 3 years.
  33. The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of a complaint.
  34. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
  35. You can name more Government employees that used to work with you than the ones you work directly with in your current position.