| CEO: | chief embezzlement officer. |
| CFO: | corporate fraud officer. |
| NAV: | normal Anderson valuation. |
| P/E: | parole entitlement. |
| EPS: | eventual prison sentence. |
| BULL MARKET: | A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. |
| BEAR MARKET: | A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. |
| MOMENTUM INVESTING: | The fine art of buying high and selling low. |
| VALUE INVESTING: | The art of buying low and selling lower. |
| P/E RATIO: | The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. |
| BROKER: | What my broker has made me. |
| "BUY, BUY": | A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. |
| STANDARD & POOR: | Your life in a nutshell. |
| STOCK ANALYST: | Idiot who just downgraded your stock. |
| STOCK SPLIT: | When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. |
| FINANCIAL PLANNER: | A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. |
| MARKET CORRECTION: | The day after you buy stocks. |
| CASH FLOW: | The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. |
| WINDOWS 2000: | What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. |
| YAHOO: | What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. |
| INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: | Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse |
| PROFIT: | Religious guy who talks to God |
