Computer Guy (animated) W I L D  B I L L Comma S  P L A C E
@ Hostek "If you don't know where you're going, any bus will do"
E Komo Mai  About Me  Reading List  Adventures  Funny Stuff  Links   
Nine-ElevenSocial CommentaryPoliticsThe Battle of the SexesBlondes Are More FunThe SouthThis Life and TimesGolfOther Humorous StuffMy Stuff
25 Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90's
30 Politically Correct Ways To Discuss Someone's Mental Shortcomings
30 Years Difference
Alcohol Warnings
All About Dogs
Automated Call Directing
Basic Truths
Black Testicles
Celebrity One-Liners
Did You Know?
Do You Remember?
First Day On The Job
Food Facts
Fun Reflections On Life
Hell Freezes
Hollywood Squares
Investing Key Words
IT Support
Job Interview
Language Quirks
Life Is Like A Dog
Little Known Facts
Maintaining a Healthy Level of Insanity
Management Lesson
My Bottle Rocket
New Dictionary Words
New Words for the Next Century
Newspaper Headlines
Oath Of Enlistment
Other Rules Of Life
Pet Diaries
Poor Grandpa
Potty Training
Purina Diet
Quick Thinker
Sayings That Should Be On Buttons
Senior Moments
Sex in the Shower
Shake It Off
Small World
Smarter Than Most
Survivor Show - Texas Style
Ten Cents A Drink
Thank You Letter
The Cat Years
The Christmas Dolly
The Lawyer and The Farmer
The Old Poodle
The Old Rancher
The Value of a Good Drink
The Watch
Things I've Learned From My Children
Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"
Things You Didn't Know
Thoughts For The Day
Useless Information
Watch What You Eat
We Made It!
What Really Happened To The Kursk
Why We REALLY Gain Weight
Words To Live By
Wrong Email Address
You Know You Work For The Government When…
You Know You're In California When…
IT Support

The IT team felt that it would be good to provide you with this guide to help us do our jobs better:

  1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and childrenıs art. We donıt have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
  2. Donıt write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
  3. When an IT person says heıs coming right over, go for coffee. That way you wonıt be there when we need your password. Itıs nothing for us to remember 300 screensaver passwords.
  4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not whatıs keeping you from getting it. We donıt need to know that you canıt get into your mail because your computer wonıt power on at all.
  5. When IT Support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. Weıre just testing.
  6. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
  7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
  8. When the photocopier doesnıt work, call computer support. Thereıs electronics in it.
  9. When youıre getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
  10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. Weıre collectors.
  11. When somethingıs wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT personıs chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
  12. When an IT person tells you that computer screens donıt have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
  13. When an IT person tells you that heıll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
  14. When the printer wonıt print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
  15. When the printer still wonıt print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
  16. Donıt learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
  17. Donıt use online help. Online help is for wimps.
  18. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.
  19. If the space bar on your keyboard doesnıt work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
  20. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you werenıt sure, you wouldnıt be doing it, would you?
  21. When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We donıt have any money to speak of anyway.
  22. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I donıt know nothing about that computer rubbish." We donıt mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as rubbish.
  23. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a masterıs degree in nuclear physics.
  24. When you canıt find someone in the government directory, call IT Support.
  25. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack.
  26. When somethingıs the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesnıt know anything about the problem.
  27. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. Weıve got lots of disk space on that mail server.
  28. Donıt even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.
  29. When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing 600,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" Thatıs another one that cracks us up no end.
  30. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of whatıs going on.
  31. When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.
  32. Donıt bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
  33. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. Weıll find all the settings and drivers somewhere...

IT Support