Wild Bill's Place

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children¹s art. We don¹t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don¹t write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an IT person says he¹s coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won¹t be there when we need your password. It¹s nothing for us to remember 300 screensaver passwords.
When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what¹s keeping you from getting it. We don¹t need to know that you can¹t get into your mail because your computer won¹t power on at all.
When IT Support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We¹re just testing.
When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When the photocopier doesn¹t work, call computer support. There¹s electronics in it.
When you¹re getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We¹re collectors.
When something¹s wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person¹s chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
When an IT person tells you that computer screens don¹t have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
When an IT person tells you that he¹ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
When the printer won¹t print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
When the printer still won¹t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don¹t learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
Don¹t use online help. Online help is for wimps.
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.
If the space bar on your keyboard doesn¹t work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren¹t sure, you wouldn¹t be doing it, would you?
When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don¹t have any money to speak of anyway.
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don¹t know nothing about that computer rubbish." We don¹t mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as rubbish.
When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master¹s degree in nuclear physics.
When you can¹t find someone in the government directory, call IT Support.
When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack.
When something¹s the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn¹t know anything about the problem.
When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We¹ve got lots of disk space on that mail server.
Don¹t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.
When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing 600,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That¹s another one that cracks us up no end.
When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what¹s going on.
When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.
Don¹t bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We¹ll find all the settings and drivers somewhere...

Thanks,
IT Support