I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the
Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over
waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as
a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone
by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other
services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me
and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean,
donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and
will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next
person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home
early every day. So Help Me God!
____________________
Signature and Date
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I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage
every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure
out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24
hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself
that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me
I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court
Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will
make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is
because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my
Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different
Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did
when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I
will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade
sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out
she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she
leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at
work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely
nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs
because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to
"COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever
that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working
construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
everyone about the Army me $30,000 for college, but will be unable
to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!
____________________
Signature and Date
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I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out
with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I
thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to
actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I
like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of
style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every
pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the
Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the
winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of
the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead,
cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean
"floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank,
and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hrs every
morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will
show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling
skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed
around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being
promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I
realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit
myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound
"colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!
_______________________
Signature and Date
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I, (have someone recite your name for you),
swear ....uhhhh .... high-and-tight .... grunt...
cammies....
ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS.!
_____________________
Thumb Print and Date
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