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Visitors' Guide To Knoxville
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Would We Be Kin?
Tennessee Tourism - A list of important information and recommendations for each person entering the Volunteer State
  1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your Momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
  2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
  3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
  4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt our women.
  5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a Bigmouth breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
  6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
  7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
  8. That's right. Whiskey is under ten bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for a shot.
  9. The Titans and the Predators are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
  10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
  11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
  12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar tractors that we use two to three weeks a year.
  13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
  14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
  15. Yeah, we eat catfish and bass...and turtle, too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
  16. They are cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes two ways...I-65 and I-75 go the other two. Pick one.
  17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the second Saturday in November.
  18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
  19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
  20. Yeah, we shoot doves...even though they are song birds... but we don't hit very many so we don't feel bad about that either. Now, enjoy your visit and then go on home...