| Bill of No Rights
The following has been falsely attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, Georgia. It was actually written by Lewis Napper, self-described "amateur philosopher and professional geek"
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone
get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed wetters. We
hold these truths to be self-evident that a whole lot of people were confused by
the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
| ARTICLE I |
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of
wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything. |
| ARTICLE II |
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone not just you! You may leave the
room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full
of idiots, and probably always will be. |
| ARTICLE III |
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in
your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make
you and all your relatives independently wealthy. |
| ARTICLE IV |
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most
charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are
quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional
couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation
of professional couch potatoes. |
| ARTICLE V |
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from
the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health
care. |
| ARTICLE VI |
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us
want to see you fry in the electric chair. |
| ARTICLE VII |
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or
coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the
rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have
the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. |
| ARTICLE VIII |
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in
foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments
and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like; however,
we do not enjoy parenting the entire world, and do not want to spend so much of
our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a
funny hat. |
| ARTICLE IX |
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have
one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before
you to make yourself useful. |
| ARTICLE X |
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have
the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are
unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who
were confused by the Bill of Rights. |
If You Agree, We Humbly Urge You To Forward This To As Many People As You
Can. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you should you not
forward it. We just think it is about time "common sense" is allowed to
flourish. Call it "The Age Of Reason" revisited.
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