"If you don't know where you're going, any bus will do"
- The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
- The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes in-verse.
- In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes.
- When cannibals eat a missionary, they get a taste of religion.
- Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!