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The Two Cows Explanation
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Wisdom From Senior Citizens

The "Two Cows Explanation" of what makes...

A CHRISTIANYou have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALISTYou have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICANYou have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRATYou have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take your tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNISTYou have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with a little milk.
A FASCISTYou have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cows. The government takes custody of them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATIONYou think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a siesta.
A SWISS CORPORATIONYou have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You worship them.