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Nine-ElevenSocial CommentaryPoliticsThe Battle of the SexesBlondes Are More FunThe SouthThis Life and TimesGolfOther Humorous StuffMy Stuff
20-20 Vision
A 47 Year Old Woman
A Jersey Wife
A Tongue Twister
And Then The Fight Started
Are You Hungry?
ATM Procedures for Men and Women
Bedroom Golf
Betty Crocker
Bottle of Wine
Bulls
Bumber Stickers For Women
Camels
Change A Lightbulb?
Clean Can Be Funny
Creation
Cross Examination
Dear Tide
Eight Simple Rules
Encourage Your Wife
Female Hormones in Beer
Feminine Products
Fishin'
Geography
Getting Out of a Ticket
Ground Control
He Said, She Said
Helping the Homeless
High School Reunions
How I Got Fired From Walmart
How To Shower
How To Translate English From Men and Women
HusbandMart
Impressing the Sexes
In Praise Of Older Women
Inheritance
It's Tough To Be A Man
Just Words
Memories
Mood Ring
Outta Here
Physical Exam
Pick-Up Lines
Pin The Tail On The Donkey
Police Warning To All Men
Poor Bob
Prescription
Priceless
Quiz For Men
Refrigerator Note
Reindeer
Roy and Bea
Sam and Bessie
Satan
Scottish Love
Secrets of Women's Language
Self-Esteem
Senior Smarts
She Says, He Hears
Shipped Home
Shortest Fairy Tale Ever
Simple Math
Sixty-Sixth Birthday
Snotty Receptionist
Stranded On A Desert Island
Suspicious Minds
Tampons
Tech Support
The 6th Grader
The Dentist's Office
The Honeymoon
The Rules
The Salesman
Think Like A Woman
To Women Everywhere
Two Guys
UCLA Study
What Do Women Really Want?
What I Want In A Man
What If Men Wrote Self-Help Advice Columns
What Starts With F And Ends With K
Where Have You Been?
Who's The Boss?
Why Men Are Never Depressed
Why Women Are Crabby
Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping
Wise Advice On Marriage and Dating
Woodcutter's Wife

How To Translate English From Men and Women

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
What They SayWhat They Mean
YesNo
NoYes
MaybeNo
I'm sorryYou'll be sorry
We needI want
It's your decisionThe correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you wantYou'll pay for this later
We need to talkI need to complain
Sure go aheadI don't want you to
I'm not upsetOf course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manlyYou need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lightsI have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenientI want a new house
I want new curtainsand carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noiseI noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me?I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minuteKick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicateJust agree with me
Are you listening to me?!?Too late, you're dead
MEN'S ENGLISH
What They SayWhat They Mean
I'm hungryI'm hungry
I'm sleepyI'm sleepy
I'm tiredI'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie?I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner?I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime?I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance?I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress!Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massageI want to fondle you
What's wrong?What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
I'm boredDo you want to have sex?
I love youLet's have sex now!
I love you, tooOkay, I said it. Now can we have sex?
Yes, I like the way you cut your hairI liked it better before
Let's talkI'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe we can have sex?
Will you marry me?I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well togetherI'm gay