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2004 Election Issue - Social Security
2029 News Headlines
A Short History of the World (according to Conservatives)
Al Gore Goes To Europe
Al Gore In Vietnam
Al Gore Went Down To Florida
Al Gore: Separating Fact from Fiction
At The Oscars
Autobiography: Al Gore
Barocky Road Ice Cream
Bush's Resignation Speech
Cancel My Allowance
Catching Wild Pigs
Democrat or Republican?
Doctor Seuss Goes To Florida
Doctor's Cure for Constipation
Duck Hunting
Economic Lesson in Taxation
Economic Stimulus Payment FAQ
Firearms Refresher Course
Government Service
Hens and Roosters
Hillary's Visit
How Congress Works
How many zeros in a billion?
Hu's On First
Ice Cream Effect
I'm Voting Democrat
It's My Fault
Jack and Bill
Kerry's Job Application
Last Rites
Letter to the President
Liberal vs. Conservative Question
Lincoln-Kennedy Creepy History
Lost Wallet
My Name Is John Kerry
New Truck
New Word For Our Vocabulary
Newsletter From The Boss
Notice of Revocation of Independence
Notice To All Employees
Post Turtle
Redistribution Of Wealth
Sobering Statistic
Thank You, Mr. President
The Ant and the Grasshopper
The Barber
The New National Emblem of the Democratic Party
The Old Man and The Marine
The Rules of Golf: Florida Democrat Style
Thinking
To Be A Good Democrat
Two Alligators
Washington Dilemma
What Did One Senator Say To The Other Senator?
What'd ya say there, Gee-Dubya?
Where Bush Got His Marching Orders
Who's Smarter?
Worst President In History
Kerry's Job Application
NAME: John Kerry
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington DC, worth multi-millions.
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my career as a US Senator. I ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.
MILITARY: I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book; Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I truly feel about the military.
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a US Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make no or little charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $700 million.
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I Blame George Bush for sending all of the jobs out of Country.
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None.
PERSONAL: I ride a Serotta Bike.
My Gulfstream V Jet I call The Flying Squirrel.
I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for the energy problems.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.


Kerry Resume for President from kerry-04.org.