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Written by an Episcopalian Priest in Georgia

As I was making my daily journey to the Post Office the other day, I patiently waited for a car to vacate a parking space near the door. As the rear of the vehicle came toward me, I noticed a bumper sticker that read, in big, bold letters, "THANK ME. I VOTED CLINTON-GORE." Of course, the bumper sticker was printed in response to an earlier sticker that adorned some automobiles some six years ago. Back then, as Presidents Bill and Hillary were attempting to nationalize health care and play havoc with the discipline and fiber of the military, "Don't Blame Me. I Voted For Bush" was the message on many bumpers. Hence, the "Thank Me..." message came in response.

Pondering the message of the brave, stubborn soul in the car ahead of me, I considered all the things I could be thankful for as a result of the Clinton-Gore regime. Indeed, I discovered the list was long and varied. So, it is to that fellow who has not yet discovered a razor blade and Goo-Be-Gone, I offer a hearty "Thank you!"

Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski and about two dozen other names that we might not have met and known otherwise.

Thank you for allowing a war hero and the author of one of the most successful military campaigns in military history to leave the presidency. Because, no matter how successful he was, we, in all our moral outrage, just wouldn't tolerate someone who would lie to the American people by promising "no new taxes" and then going back on his word. We certainly can't have a liar in the White House, now can we?

Thank you for showing all the men and women in America that sexual harassment in the work place, and on the job, is okay as long as it involves powerful middle-age executives and the young women half their age under their power. It is, after all, a "private matter."

Thank you for revealing that the agenda of the National Organization of Women only includes some women. Women like Anita Hill, and not women like Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski, et. al.

Thank you for allowing us to come to the realization that "sexual relations" is not clearly defined after all. And all these years, I thought that "oral sex" really had something to do with sex! Imagine! Or is it "Oral Sex" when you talk about it. .?

Thank you for giving us a president who discusses his choice of underwear with teenagers. We always wondered if presidents wore boxers or briefs.

Thank you for installing a man who reminds us of those good old days of pot smoking (without inhaling, of course) and war protesting.

Thank you for showing us that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag the Dog," could really be plausible after all.

Thank you for re-introducing the concept of "impeachment" to a new generation that missed the discussion surrounding it the last time it was brought up.

Thank you for curing me of my addiction to the evening news.

Thank you for reminding us that the government that gave us the Internal Revenue Service and welfare, also lusts for control of the greatest health care system in the world.

Thank you for reminding us that the FBI, who has a file on millions of Americans, including myself, can give those files to people powerful enough to demand them.

Thank you for reminding us that, when all is said and done, character really, really does matter.

Thank you for making Dan Quayle look like the Rhodes Scholar.

Thank you for making Jimmy Carter look competent.

Thank you for making Gerald Ford look graceful.

Thank you for making Richard Nixon look honest.

Thank you for making Lyndon Johnson look truthful.

Thank you for making John Kennedy look moral.

Thank you for reminding us of the importance of term limits.

And really, thank you not once, but twice! Why, if not for you, instead of the current, interesting discussion all over the television networks and newspapers, we would be focused on a whole slew of trivial matters such as giving secrets to China in exchange for campaign contributions, global defense, the economy, nukes in North Korea,genocide in Africa & Kosovo, the containment of terrorism, and all those other boring topics.

So, thank you, thank you, thank you! Since Bill Clinton took office, here are some of the good things that have happened:

  • 72 House and Senate witnesses have pleaded the Fifth Amendment.
  • 17 witnesses have fled the country to avoid testifying.
  • 19 foreign witnesses have refused to be interviewed by US investigative bodies.
  • 19 charges from Whitewater investigations.
  • 4 convictions from Whitewater investigations.
  • 8 imprisonments from Whitewater investigations.
  • 55 total charges in all Clinton scandals.
  • 32 total convictions (so far) in all Clinton scandals.
  • 14 total imprisonments (so far) in all Clinton scandals.
  • 938 overnight stays at the White House for Clinton supporters.
  • $48 million - cost of Starr's 2 Year investigation.
  • $49 million - cost of Clinton's 10 day trip to China.

Yes, it's been an interesting near seven full years for "the most ethical administration in the history of the Republic." But then..., everybody knows it's all the fault of the "vast right-wing conspiracy."